Thursday, November 25, 2010

@#$% the Horde!! Or at least the orcs… Maybe the Forsaken too

When World of Warcraft came out Blizzard consciously decided to not have bad guys. Yes the Horde were full of ‘monsters’, but really they were either repressed minorities or straight up victims just barely surviving. Let’s look at the horde races:

  • The orcs, as an entire civilization, were cursed by the Burning Legion and goaded into attacking Azeroth. Granted they ravaged Azeroth and killed a shitload of people. But I’m inclined to cut them some slack considering the whole ‘Cursed by the Big Bad of the Known Universe’ thing. It’s what they did AFTER that I’m looking at. Under Thrall’s leadership they helped fight off the Burning Legion at Hyjal. They then settled in the second worst plot of land in the game (1st being Plaguelands) and said ‘Leave us alone’.
  • Lore-wise the Tauren are simply the most noble, peaceful and should be respected race in the entire game. They pledged loyalty to Thrall after he saved them from rampaging centaurs that had driven the Tauren out of their homeland.
  • I’m honestly not fully up to speed on Trolls, but my understanding is this: all the evil troll mobs we fight in game, they’re the guys the player trolls, the Darkspear, left because they were assholes. Again, saved they Thrall they pledged loyalty to the Horde. Thrall made them stop cannibalism, but aside from that… they’re slacker potheads – harmless.
  • OK, the Forsaken literally are undead monsters. However, they didn’t ask to die. They were slaughtered by the Undead Scourge and made minions. When the Lich King was weakened they regained their sense of self and saw that yeah, they were undead monsters. They joined the horde because they were alone on a continent full of humans, dwarves and gnomes that wanted to kill them. For his part, Thrall needed a pair eyes to the East.
  • Later Blood Elves joined the Horde. Like the undead the Blood Elves were slaughtered by the Scourge to the brink of extinction. They also lost the Sunwell the source of their arcane power. To the elves this was like losing air, they simply couldn’t cope. They were then sold out by their own king into delving into fel energies, not exactly like the orcs but fairly close. Bear in mind the vast majority of the elves had no idea Kel’Thas had gone to the Dark Side, when they found out they stormed Tempest Keep and beat the snot out of their king, then did it again at Sunwell Plateau.With the aid of Valen and the Naaru the blood elves were able to restore the Sunwell. The fel addiction is a non-issue at this point. Granted their still addicted to arcane energy, but think of it like being hooked on caffeine instead of crack.

Aside from the undead not a bad lot really. Recently things have begun to change. Thrall left to investigate the elemental upheaval we now know to be caused by Deathwing, (Prediction: Final battle of Cataclysm Thrall arrives to help lay the smackdown on Deathwing and takes over as Earth Aspect) leaving a certain tiny-headed orc in charge. Originally a regent in Thrall’s absence, with the latest patch Garrosh is officially Warchief.

What’s he do? Have you been outside Orgrimmar lately? He starts a massive arms race. He kills Cairne. An early quest has a conservative orc label ‘Thrall-lover’. Since when the fuck did ‘Thrall-lover’ become an insult.

At this point I wonder why the Tauren are still part of the Horde. The man they originally pledged loyalty to is deposed, and his replacement killed their leader. Cairne’s son Baine commented in a quest that ‘the new Horde as lost it’s way. We must guide them back into the Light.’

Screw that. I propose a new faction called ‘The Good Guys’. We’ll include Tauren, Blood Elves, Draenei, Night Elves and Gnomes. I personally don’t like gnomes very much, but honestly I don’t think there is a malicious bones in the entire race’s collective body (all 3 feet, teehee). Even the warlocks seem to think being a rebel is just awesome.

I don’t know the lore on Worgen yet, but left’s hope they’re not jerks.

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