Saturday, January 30, 2010

Lazy Movie Review: GI Joe: Resolute

So I received GI Joe Resolute from NetFlix and managed to watch it without a several day lapse from laziness, must say I’m impressed. Originally a a web series of 5 minute episodes, it’s been edited together for an hour long dvd.

Film opens with Cobra Commander delivering an ultimatum to the UN, ‘Give me the world within 24 hours, or else'.’ To illustrate his point, Cobra vaporizes Moscow using unknown technology. Meanwhile at the Joe headquarters (aircraft carrier USS Flagg) an explosion rocks the ship destroying most of the Joes vehicles. Who could possibly have snuck aboard a ship at sea and planted these charges? (Hint: Here there be ninjas). Cobra also somehow knocked out satellite communication worldwide.

So the team splits up to handle the various issues at hand. Snake-Eyes deals with Storm Shadow, Duke and Scarlett head to Siberia to take out part of the weapon, Tunnel Rat handles the satellite problem and  Gung-Ho and Roadblock take out the power course. Flint remains at HQ in charge with Dial Tone as the resident sexy super geek advisor (yes she used to be a dude, work with me!). Everyone meets up at the end to launch on assault on Springfield USA.

Good stuff with a couple highlights:

  • Ninjas
  • Cobra Commander is a raving lunatic and we love it
  • Bullets are used and people (well vipers) die
  • Joes (when required by plots) also die
  • Alley Vipers – always my favorite viper and to see Scarlett shout “Oh shit – Alley Vipers!” and duck for cover was awesome
  • Goddamn ninjas!!

An observation though, not really pertaining tot he movie but GI Joe in general. Why the hell is Duke in command? Duke’s an E-8 which isn’t even highest enlisted rank. My understanding of military rank says Flint as a warrant officer outranks Duke. Hell, Steeler as an O-1 is an officer and trumps them both. Is it so hard to write General Hawk in?

4 out of 5


  1. No fucking clue why I spelled that Ninja's instead of much vicodin.