Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Lazy Movie Review: New Moon

Yes, I watched it. God help me. It’s one of those things that has become such a cornerstone of pop culture that I had to check it out even if only so I could properly mock it. And now afterwards, what are my thoughts…

Well… My thoughts pretty much mirror my thoughts on Twilight. For one, Bella just doesn’t seem to warrant the attention from the guys in this series. She’s always been moody and not that interesting. I’m not sure if the casting director was specifically looking for a ‘girl next door’ either, but if they were, they succeeded. Stewart does look like someone you might actually know, meaning she’s not that hot – lust is hardly inspiring Edward and Jacob. Which brings us back to personality, moody and uninteresting – oh and with the sequel throw in suicidal depression. This chick needs therapy and probably drugs.

Edward remains annoying with his pouty ‘woe is me’ crap. God, man up. You’re a fucking vampire.

Jacob is a nice guy looking out for the object of his affection. (OMG, I’m on Team Jacob) Jacob’s only flaw is the affection is aimed at Bella. Sadly the film took entirely to long to out Jacob as a werewolf (something we knew maybe an hour or so into Twilight). Once it did though I was fairly impressed with the werewolf effects. This is one of the best interpretations of a werewolf I’ve seen. No wolfman crap, these guys turn into wolves – wolves the size of a car that run in packs and fully aware while in wolfform. They will hunt you down and fuck you up.

Finally we must address the best part of the Twilight series, Ashley Greene’s Alice. Still hot. Still bubbly and cheerful but not so over the top it’s annoying. Bella take notes – noone wants to date the depressed angsty girl... oh wait.

Oh well, here’s to hoping in Eclipse Alice hooks up with Jacob and they run off to have sparkly puppies.

2 Stars – My Rating
3 Stars – Netflix Prediction

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